He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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