I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
