omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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