I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
