well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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