I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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