oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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