im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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