Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
