I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
