She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
