Don't make out with my wife yet
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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