my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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