i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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