My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dignity is for republicans.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
