3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
