batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
