I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
