the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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