Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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