so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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