closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
