apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
