Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
