I can feel you judging me through the phone.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize