omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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