I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
