I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
