If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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