At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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