so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
