You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
