You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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