even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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