u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
