If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
