'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize