I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
40s are totally the cure
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
