And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
