Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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