tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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