Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
