Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
