Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
