i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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