OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
