honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
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i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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