I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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