So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
