So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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