Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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