I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
