He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
