Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
