I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she peed on how many people?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
