i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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