You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize