People in love make me want to vomit
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
