I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
