Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
