I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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