I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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