Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
