Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
