I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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