Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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