Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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