somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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