There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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