My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
