I love black thongs
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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