He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
