So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
