Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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